#would probably be triggering as fuck for me lol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
Hiiii :]
If it's okay to ask, I've been wondering how would ROs react when the enemy somehow captured ro and mc, and the enemy torture mc in front of tied up RO on the chair to get the informations out of them, who would give in eventho mc told them to not to(like maybe they are in relationship or in crush stage)? I imagine Mina and Will are probably gonna hold on for a while, but then they gonna plan a revenge or something after that lol. Feel free to ignore this ask if this makes you uncomfortable:]
Thankyou, I really like your story and i found it couple days ago and ngl it cheer me up in the middle of hard days. Also, I'm sorry for my English, it's not my first language
Cheers :]
Hi, Anon! I'm sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. I'm glad my game could help you feel better and I am more than happy to write some angst for you. (Also your english is great, don't worry about it!)
This scenario is written as if MC and RO are in an established relationship.
Trigger warning: Descriptions of torture and intense violence below
Mina - "Pry her eyes open, we can't allow our efforts to go to waste." The voice chuckles sadistically as Mina's head is craned back and her eyes are forced open. Fingers tugging her eyelids up and an arm around her neck so she can't turn away.
MC sits in front of Mina, beaten and bloody, their chest barely moving as they struggle to breathe through their broken nose. "You could end all their suffering by just telling us what we want to hear," The voice sings.
Mina tries to bite down on the arm of the person holding her, snarling as she says, "I'll fucking kill you, I'll kill you!" She thrashes against her chains, eyes red and spit flying from her mouth as she tries desperately to break free.
Will - Will twists his wrists against the metal of his handcuffs; careful to keep his actions out of sight of the kidnappers - cutting at the flesh. Warm blood slicks his hands as he desperately tries to free himself, his eyes never leaving MC.
"Just look at me, block them out, I'll get us out of this." He pleads, trying to keep his voice calm but his breath hitches as the kidnapper brings the hammer down on MC's hand again, their voice hoarse as they scream out.
He barely feels the metal as it chews through his wrists, his eyes focused on MC and mouth never slowing as he spews words of reassurance and comfort.
Ara - It takes two hours for Ara to crack. She watches as MC takes cut after cut from the kidnappers; their faces twisted in sadistic glee as they carve into MC's flesh. Ara thrashes against her chains, her chair rattling as she flings herself forward, desperate to close the distance.
MC tries to reassure Ara but soon her reassurances are replaced with hoarse screams, the knife digging in further and further. At the first scream, Ara topples her chair, her chains and chair crashing against the ground. She tries to worm her way towards MC but is kicked back.
When she sees MC slow in their struggles, she breaks. Information leaves her mouth in an incoherent babble, the words tripping over themselves to flee her mouth.
Theo - Theo writhes and twists against the wall, his shoulders protesting his sharp movements as they are jolted back by the heavy chains shackling him. His eyes wide and red as he sees MC led into the room, tied up and arms pulled by two large guards.
"Now then, you are going to tell us what we want to hear," The kidnapper says with a smirk, tapping the knife they hold against MC's cheek, "Or we will have to resort to more extreme measures to get our information."
MC opens their mouth, set on telling Theo to not say anything, but they never get the chance. Theo is already speaking, his arms nearly pulled out of their sockets as he presses forward, saying everything and anything to protect MC.
Nico - Nico bites down on his tongue until it bleeds, letting the pain distract him from the nauseating sight ahead. His muscles scream as he contorts his joints and limbs, struggling futilely against his chains. They rattle and shake as he writhes.
A scream is ripped from MC's throat as the brand comes down on their thigh, the sickening smell of burnt flesh filling the air and Nico struggles to fight back the urge to vomit. MC tries to smile at Nico, their lips shaking as they curl up.
And the smile is what breaks Nico. The trust, the love... it was worse than the torture. How could he live with himself if he let MC die? He breaks his silence, avoiding MC's eyes, unable to last even a full hour watching the one he loves suffer.
Astrid - She begs them to hurt her instead, pleading through tears and hoarse cries to stop. Blood spills across her arms as she thrashes and writhes against her chains, trying to claw her way towards MC. Astrid ignores MC's pleas for her to stop, to stay strong.
She breaks at the first flash of pain across MC's face. The words spill from her lips as fast as the blood from her wrists. Like a burst pipe, there is no stopping the torrential wave once it has been unleashed, the information flows quickly.
And she can't find it within her to care that she has become a traitor. The only thing that matters is MC.
#interactive fiction#the soulforge order#if wip#twine#twine wip#tsfo asks#tsfo mina#tsfo theo#tsfo will#tsfo astrid#tsfo ara#tsfo nico
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
last rb has me thinking about fucking someone while they beg me to please please please just kill it
0 notes
Text
...
#i was looking through old photos today. they where from wjen i was like 1 and it made me so sad#bc my mum would have been like only a year or 2 older then i am now and she looked so young#and now she has an abdomen full of tumors and blistered hands and feet. theyre prob gonna hsve to remove her bladder#but shes still very pragmatic abt it. but she grew up in a house where no one really cared about her feelings so she made them small#and now her mother calls and doesn't ask how her grandkids are doing and doesn't ask how her daughter is doing. im cursed with terrible#grandparents on both sides but i resent my mothers mother worse. though my dad said i probably wouldnt have survived his upbringing#and hes right. my nana has like zero empathy and cant cook for shit. idk how my parents r so normal but the fact i had a good upbringing is#probably the only reason im still here. and thats the other thing that made me sad abt the old pics. just looking at this little baby with a#fucked up head and thinking: in 25 years that kid is gonna b so broken down their not gonns kno what to do or how to fix it. idk whats wrong#with me. ive always been some stage of miserable but i used to b able to get things done. and now i cant seem to force functionality#and it sucks. bc im home now and i still feel like im cringing around this open wound in my chest. but whatever#as of today ive started taking ab1lify. hopefully it helps in the long term but in the short term it triggers my 0cd. which is not fun#its so frustrating. whatever. i also found out my eyes used to not work together. not enough to have a lazy eye but it was hard for me to#read and apparently my eyes were tracking at like double the speed of a normal person. wtf is wrong with my brain? also also my mum was like#yea i never would have guessed bip0lar but we thought it was something. autism i could see 100% but yea didnt see that coming. ao i guess#i brehave like a bit of an oddball. ans my nana would bother my dad to try to make me participate in church and my dad was like no. she#clearly don't wanna b here lol. ay. they did the best they could which i appreciate#unrelated
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
i keep getting this fucking t!kt*k ad on here w a still from a video abt calling ur dogs name and then pretending they’re not there. and i fucking hate it. first of all die im never downloading tt but second of all i HATE “pranks” like that it’s one of the cruelest things you can do to animals or to other ppl imho
#purrs#it’s so mean and sad and triggering. esp in the case of a dog where it’s like they have no way to know if ur joking or not… idk im probably#just reading more into it than anyone actually takes it as but it seems to me that would be so stressful and instantly trust damaging lol#and i hate when ppl do it and i ESPECIALLY hate that it’s a trend online. also goes for ppl lying that they cheated or like that they#destroyed the other persons property or messed w their food or whatever. idk ive come across so many videos like that and they fucking suck!#even small things like starting to give someone something and then pulling your hand away for a second. like it’s just so MEAN. stop it!!!
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fucked up how I know taking a shower would solve all my problems and perhaps every problem in the history of the universe but I can’t take a real shower bc I can’t get my bandage wet 😢
#I got the goddamn#whatever the fuck#a stick in my arm that makes me not ovulate#and now I can’t take a shower and my whole job is holding a baby so my arm is sore 😔#it’s not my whole job really but I do it almost all day#in the interest of overclarifying bc accidentally Lying on the internet is the worst#literally this is the worst timing I’m so stressed and triggered bsndjrnxnenqjend#personal /#jus talkin#I’m also sweating even more than usual so more good timing#also like taking a shower is hard mentally speaking so who knows if I would even if I could#it’s a body wipes and dry shampoo week for me#but ok#if I start having actual menstrual bleeding again so help me god I will#probably have a panic attack and throw up lol it’s not a good threat#hopefully it’s worth it for the other symptom control 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔#and also not having an iud which is of course triggering in its own way#I’m sorry guys I’m so sleeby idk what I’m saying#overshare ?
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#good morning world#i say to my like 7 active tumblr followers left from 2016#i’m having a very bad time recently#it’s not just bc of a man in all honesty. i’ve been having a real bad time for a while#and it’s not fair to pin it on him bc he’s genuinely an amazing guy#i had this dream he died last night and woke up sobbing and it took me a while to calm down bc i couldn’t just text him and ask if he was ok#so i’ve been up since like. 4 am. just staring at the wall#having BPD is never a walk in a park but i just feel like i am living in a constant state of triggered right now#i broke my lamp bc i got so fucking mad at myself and the world and i just spend all my time crying#i just feel so alone lol#even when i’m with people i feel a deep clawing loneliness#that feeling has always kinda been there but even more so knowing i have nobody to share my life with anymore#i just miss him so much#i wish he missed me too#i wish we could just talk to each other and work this out#the shitty thing is we probably could ! like it turns out ALL our issues stemmed from his avoidance which was crazy to find out#and i would have worked through that gladly!!! that’s my fucking best friend!#but you can’t force someone to be with you#even if every fiber of me is screaming at me to text him#i just feel like this whole thing was a mistake but i know he doesn’t feel the same
1 note
·
View note
Text
lol when ur mom just casually dumps the secret true root cause of your trauma that you had repressed ur whole life into casual convo….. teehee…. Please put me on oxygen
#this explains fucking everything#every problem I’ve ever had in my whole life#now I know why I’m triggered by what I’m triggered by#now I know the probable cause of my mental illness(es) lol#I will need intense therapy for the rest of my fucking life#no wonder I couldn’t remember this#my brain just would not let me think of these years#I can’t breathe!!!!
0 notes
Text
ehl oh ehl sometimes i feel like im not actually mentally ill and then im like oh yeah okay someone has vaguely been mean to me and now im Not Okay
#was told by a . friend? i dotn even know her that well. on call that she thinks about muting me sometimes and i just immediately got like#really bad mentally like. i had to leave i was not hashtag present#anyways cue intrusive thoughts about sh that could rid me of talking (maybe impossible. probably. its fine its more of a hypothetical or wtv#but golly would it not be a wonderful time for me) i am mentally ill Lol.#idk i feel like when i feel safe around people i feel free to be louder and shit because like. brain loud but usually im too anxious to be#loud outwardly#ykwim. like i get sometimes i have to chill but jesus fucking christ i dont know. like im not entitled to feeling mad or even generally#upset about this because how would she have known right but like. god its stupid amounts of triggering to me idk#vent
1 note
·
View note
Text
anyways i cried last night bc i only had to do one 10-part and i got him
i remember 3 years ago when doss came out and i was like gbf give us that baal skin i will throw money at it. we never got it BUT THIS IS LIKE 100x BETTER. I’m JUST SO HAPPY I GOT IT ON THE FIRST 10-PART. I CAN SAVE MY CRYSTALS FOR SUMMER (i mean i have barely any saved bc i spent last gala bc i was dumb but)
#sammy liveblogs about granblue#gbf is trying to make me bring back fire harp memeing#i tested him yesterday and his dmg output was good just bc we can like IMMEDIATELY READ 4 HYPE#SO HE JUST TRIGGERS HIS 8-HIT DMG NUKE AFTER EVERY NORMAL ATTACK AS WELL AS HIS OTHER DMG SKILL AT THE END OF EVERY TURN#the fire set up with the harp memeing just feels super lacking in c.a. dmg i need to do some tweaking#need to see how much the cosmic harp is actually doing and if replacing it with c.a. boosing fire weapon might be more beneficial#the grid does have 6 harps in it (including the cosmic harp)#if i drew sylph that would probably be beneficial but i think the real reality is is that there aren't really that many great flb fire harps#what i have now is#ullikuumi (my fire mainhand for all my fire teams) | ultima harp | draconic harp | kerak | zhuque lyrewings | cosmic harp#funny that if i ever got sylph harp bc it sup c.a. dmg based on enmity and my ultima harp has stam on it lol#ithe last time i pulled my harp memeing team out i switched back to rising force too#so there's a little less hp regeneration#like only heals on my ougi#no more from chain bursts and dappled sunlight#bc i play lumberjack on all my other fire teams#bc lumberjack ullikuumi is so fucking busted#(i have one manadiver set up but i dont have a good mainhand for it)#(i was trying to farm al-abad for it at some point)#(but i still need to more copies to drop)#(and atum hates me and just keeps dropping benbenet instead)#sammy be quiet#sammy no#ok i shut up now
0 notes
Text
.
#i usually put this kind of stuff in the drafts so you don't need to read it. go ahead if you want i don't care just like. don't respond lol#but this is just for me to vent publicly so it feels like the thoughts went somewhere#my sister's best friend's mom just got put in hospice and they say she has about 3 more days#and i could hear my little sister bawling when my mom told her and it's breaking my heart#they're barely teenagers they're too young for this#and my mom's trying to write an email to the father and she can't fucking do it. i wanna help but she doesn't want any which i get#i can hear my sister either giggling or crying in her room right now i can't tell which but it sounds more like laughing. i hope it is#my mom and my sister are going to do to the hospice room to say goodbye to her i think tomorrow#and i really just want to be able to hang out with my sister bc i know it's gonna be really scary for her after but i have to work#if one person complains about their problems to me at work tomorrow i'm gonna get fucking fired for what i do next#that's probably not true but i'm gonna feel like it#i don't know this woman but i know my sister loves her and my mom is friends with the father so i mean i'm not really grieving but they are#and i wish i knew what to do#at least this was somewhat expected like she was in the later stages of her cancer but i don't think anyone was thinking it would happen no#i don't know if i should post this. i want to because i have so many posts like this in my drafts and it never makes me feel any better#but i don't like sharing ultra personal stuff like this especially about other people even if nobody knows who i am#i'll post it for now but i'll delete it later. i just need it to be out there a little bit so there's proof it exists#i think this is something i should be adding trigger tags for?#tw cancer#tw death#tw grief#shut up hanna
1 note
·
View note
Note
hey, if you haven’t wrote this before i was wondering if you could write a fic about spencer catching you admiring his hands and later on he fingers you (idk how to word this properly 😭)
fingers crossed | s.r
spencer reid x bau!reader
a/n: this is literally my brand fr
cw: 18+ no minors, fingering, reader is afab, spencer’s slutty ass hands, soft dom spence (duh), praise kink, office shenanigans lol
wc: 1.5k
—
you should’ve known you’d get caught, you work on a team of people literally trained to notice things. you working on that team meant that you thought you could be subtle. yet it didn’t stop you from gaping at spencer whenever he used those fucking hands of his.
it started off innocently, becoming so entranced when he would explain the geographical profile to the team on cases and his massive hands would span the map occasionally using a finger to point out a spot. then it was the way his veined hand engulfed his pistol, so much that it could disappear if he tried. you took detours on the days you knew spencer would be in the training range just so you could watch his fingers pull the trigger over and over again.
you’d go home thinking about those hands, how they would feel roaming your body, squeezing your chest, placed on your throat. it was enough to make yourself come three times over, just imagining what his fingers would feel like inside you. but it never felt as satisfying as what you really craved.
the next day you’d come to work, you and spencer had to work on a report together, and you weren’t sure how you were gonna keep your shit together if he was less than a foot away from you.
he pulled up a chair to your desk and you both started going over the files, and he’d occasionally reach over your lap to point something out in the files you were holding. he’d nonchalantly brush his fingers on your thighs, your shoulders, even placing his hand on the small of your back when hotch had called both of you to his office. it was turning you on so bad, you were getting wetter by the second that you had to cross your legs to find some satiation.
spencer knew you were getting restless, anticipating you were going to break soon. it’s just what he planned.
“everything okay?” spencer whispered, placing his hand on your upper thigh.
the action shocked you, “i’m good! i just think i need another cup of coffee.” you abruptly get up and practically run towards the break room. spencer watches you walk away with a faint smirk on his face. he gives you a minute or two to calm yourself before getting up and following you.
he found you leaning against the counter, coffee mug in hand and eyes closed, like you were trying to regulate yourself before returning. you heard footsteps and opened your eyes to watch spencer walk over right next to you, and grab the coffee pot in a way you could only describe as deeply sensual as he accentuated every movement, flexing his fingers around the handle and gripping so motherfucking tightly his veins popped up, before pouring himself a cup and speaking to you, “so, i think we’re missing a file. will you come with me to the records room to help find it?”
he calls your name again when you’re so obviously still staring at his hand holding the mug and not attending to him. you snap up and stare at his face blankly, he stares back with that smug ass smirk still and you realize he’s holding his hand out for you to take.
he has to be fucking with you right? it can’t just be a coincidence at this point. spencer literally rambles on and on about the actual probability of coincidence, and if it happens enough times, it’s intentional.
so you take his hand.
and now you’re reflecting on the last few hours, the maybe not so accidental touches to your thighs, the over exaggeration of his fingers pointing to lines in your files that you knew he didn’t need to check again, and now his outstretched hand leading you to a secluded room. you don’t have time to finish your conclusion when the door to the records room closes behind you both and spencer pushes you against it to cage you in with his arms.
“hi.” he’s so close to you oh my god.
“h- hi.”
spencer starts trailing his hand up the side of your hip, “you seem really distracted today.”
“oh…i didn’t realize, sorry.” you murmur, trying not to get distracted as his hand ends its journey on the side of your neck, curling his fingers around the back and angling your face up with his thumb.
“i’m not sure how you expect to get anything done if you keep staring at my hands all day, sweetheart.”
fuck.
your eyes widen, “i wasn’t, no it wasn’t like that, i..” but your protests fall on lost lips as he thumbs over your lower lip.
“if you wanted my fingers that bad, all you had to do was ask.”
your heartbeat fastens as he leans down to press a soft kiss to your lips, slow but exploratory. he feels you relax a little and pushes his tongue through and attacks you more earnestly. your hands have rested on his shoulders while his have both moved to your hips, pinning you to the door.
one hand moves to play with the button of your dress pants, rubbing his thumb over the button and slightly dipping the tips of his fingers into your waist, “is this okay?”, you nod, “if you want me to stop, at any point, just tell me.” you nod again, pulling his head back down to kiss him, already missing the drunk feeling he gives you. he deftly undoes the button and pulls down the zipper, pushing your pants down around your thighs but leaving your panties on.
you thank whoever’s watching over you that you chose lavender lacy panties today, and it seems spencer’s especially thankful as well when he lets out a groan, “i think you’re trying to kill me.”
“i think it’s going both ways right now.” you pant.
spencer dips his index finger just below the waistband of your panties and pulls it back, “oh honey,” snap. “just you wait.” you let out a soft whimper while he chuckles to himself.
he runs his hand down the lace trimming of your panties, reaching the crevice of your inner thigh and your core. ghosting his fingers over where you really need him, he watches your face intently for how you react. your eyebrows are furrowed, and your breathing is heavy, but not enough to let out a moan. and spencer is nothing if not an overachiever.
he presses his middle finger flat against your core, staring as the increased pressure causes your mouth to fall open. he’s getting closer, but it’s not enough.
moving his fingers back to the crevice, he hooks two fingers and slides your panties to the side, wasting no time in collecting your arousal and spreading it all over you. he faintly hears his name fall from your swollen lips, and he knows he’s close to his goal.
giving your clit the last bit of attention, he dives his middle finger down and enters your hole, and you lose it.
the sharp gasp you let out immediately turns into a pornographic moan as he begins moving in and out of you.
“there’s my girl, knew i could get those pretty sounds out of you.” he breathes in your ear.
his praise goes straight down, making you clench around his slender finger, something that spencer made note of, “you like it when i tell you things like that huh?” he adds his ring finger to the mix, “wanna hear how good you’re doing for me?”
“spencer, please…i’m so close” you whimper.
“i know baby, you’re taking my fingers so well, can’t imagine how you’d look full of my cock.”
“fuck, oh my god…” you whine
he’s got you teetering on the edge of your orgasm as you let out another loud moan, the feeling of his fingers sliding in you so fucking easily is enough to make you delirious. spencer feels you clench around him again and knows you’re so close, and rubs his thumb on your clit.
“come for me, pretty girl, show me what my fingers do to you.”
it was enough to send you crashing into your peak, grabbing on to his forearms as you roll your head back, spilling out a mix of expletives, his name, and moans as he fucks you through your high. you slowly come back down to reality, panting heavily as you meet his honeyed eyes again. he slows his movements and gently pulls out, opening his mouth to suck the arousal off his fingers.
“jesus fuck, spence.” you whimper.
he laughs as he helps you pull your pants back up and resituates you with a pat on your ass, “come on, let’s go pack up our stuff.”
“what why? we still have to finish the report.” you lamely point out.
spencer leans down to plant a longing kiss on your lips again, “i think the file i’m looking for is at home,” he smooths your hair down, “go tell hotch we’re gonna finish it at my place.”
you can’t help but smirk, “why won’t you come tell him yourself?” your eyes panning down to his bulging crotch.
“don’t be a little shit, you know why. now go tell him, or i’m not gonna be as nice as i was now when we get there.”
#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds#spencer reid x you#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid headcanon#spencer reid imagine#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x fem!reader smut#spencer reid x fanfiction#request
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Good Enough | Jisung
Park Jisung - NCT Dream
Rating: M (18+) MDNI
Word Count: ~6.3k [more than half is smut btw]
Pairing: Jisung x AFAB!Older!Reader
Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Some Plot, Friends/Roommates-to-Lovers, Absolute Filth
!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!
Summary: Jisung is tired of his noona treating him like her little sweet baby.
Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Pet Names (Noona, Sweetheart), Swearing, Very Dirty Talk, Kissing, Lots of Tongue, One Spank, Oral (M! & F! Receiving), Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Rimming (Just a tad), Size Difference, Size Kink, Soft-Dom! Jisung (oof), Sub! Reader, Breeding/Creampie Kink, Overstimulation, Squirting, Unprotected Sex (Use a condom! Reader is on the pill)
Author's Note: I had a mental breakdown while writing this lol. This might not acutally be the filthiest thing I have written, but it feels like it because of who it's for…for some reason. It's hard for me to believe that Jisung got so fucking hot, because I remember him sitting on Taeyong's lap, but he's a MAN now. i'll sit on his lap
P.S. FUCK
I am cross-posting this on Archive and Wattpad. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other sites. Happy reading!
"He's my precious."
"Your roommate is your precious?" Jisung heard voices creeping in from the living room. Groggily, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, head peeking out of his blanket cocoon. He was still jet lagged after getting back from Korea, so it was about 3 pm.
"Yes. And he's not just my roommate-"
"He's your precious?"
"Yes. But! I was going to say he is my best friend…and my precious baby boy."
"Seriously? Isn't he only like two or three years younger?"
"My precious baby Jisung." He huffed at your coo, dropping his head back on his pillow in annoyance. For some reason his summer trip back home to see his parents triggered something in him. Jisung was suddenly extremely displeased with your relationship. He missed you horribly and you were pretty much the only thing he talked about. Once he was informed by his mother that he likely had fallen in love with you, he was…upset. More with himself at first for not realizing it, but then looking at how you two interacted, he got cranky. He was not your precious baby Jisung, he's a man dammit, had been for nearly four years. Did you see him that way though? Not even remotely. He was a step above a puppy, at least you accepted he was a human. But you constantly went on about how cute he was, and sweet, and 'a bean'; whatever than meant. You had even called him your son on a few occasions, and even though they were mostly in jest and unserious, now they really pissed him off. Jisung didn't want you to see him as your son (maybe give you one) but what really was bugging him barely made any sense. He had only heard you say it once, but it stuck in his mind…
"You realize half of the people on campus want to fuck him, right?" He was in his final year of college, and the only reason you were still in college was because you had stuck around to work for the IT department. Your friend's question was not news to him, but he was much too shy to go for any of the advances he had received. He was also much too in love with you, but he hadn't known that till literally the month before, but it made sense.
"Not allowed."
"Why?"
"Precious baby."
"He's not a baby, (Y/N). Not even close." You didn't reply for a bit, and he could vividly picture your distasteful expression.
"He might not actually be one, but he’s, my baby. My baby Jisung."
"(Y/N)." Your friend's annoyed tone was not nearly strong enough to match the levels he was feeling. Definitely not able to continue his nap, he sat up aggressively from his bed, kicking at his blankets before wrangling his comforter and throwing it onto the floor. Resting his elbow on his knee, he then rested his forehead on his hand, trying to breathe out his ire so he could leave his room without being visibly grumpy.
"My sister wants to ask him out."
"No."
"Why not?"
"No one is good enough."
"No one?"
"Nope, not even me." That was it, you said it. That simple thought was what really set him over the edge. You were the only one good enough, no one else could even be close to you in his eyes. Finally, the anger boiled over and he climbed off his bed, putting a sweatshirt on so quickly that he had to wrestle it in his haste. You kept the apartment so freaking cold… You must have heard him wrench his door open because your conversation immediately stopped. He stormed down the hall, even his socked feet were heavy on the laminate wood floor, so much so that when he came to the mouth of the hallway, you were looking at him with a shocked expression. You were sitting at the coffee table with your friend Hana, various papers spread on the surface while your friend studied for her graduate classes. Your green snake Squishmallow sat on your lap, and he wanted to grab it and throw it across the room, suddenly jealous with how close it was pressed to your chest.
"Ji?" It was clear you didn't think he heard your conversation, but Hana immediately realized, starting to gather her homework.
"I'm gonna go." She nearly shoved the papers into her folder and threw everything else in her bag.
"What? Why?" You turned back to her, and he then realized what you were wearing. Your slightly damp hair had moved out of the way, revealing the design on the back of your baggy t-shirt. It was his.
"Wait, Hana?!" You tried to get up and go after her as she dashed from your apartment, shooting Jisung a look as she shut the door. You had to shove the table to get up better, and even as you stood, you still clutched the plushie to you. Jisung exhaled harshly, storming forward and grabbing your Squishmallow and yeeting her onto the floor.
"Woah?! What'd she do to you?" You motioned to her with your hand, giving him a questioning look. You started to bend and pick her up, but his hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you back up and toward him, making your balance falter. Your bewildered eyes scanned over his face, but you still had no anger in them. Not even annoyance. You couldn't get mad at your baby boy.
"Ji?" His big hand easily held your wrist, and you squeaked when he dragged you even closer to him, so much that you could feel his breath flutter your hair over your forehead. His brow was furrowed, lips pressed tight to each other, but he couldn't seem to meet your eyes.
"Hey, you okay?" Your other hand came up to brush some of your hair away from your face, only leaving it down to dry. Your fingers then moved to his face, trying to brush his bangs out of his eyes. Having you so close and seeing how far you had to reach made him realize how small you were. He was well over half a foot taller than you and he wondered how small you would look under him. When your fingers brushed his cheek, his other hand grabbed yours, easily swallowing it in his grip. Jisung held your hand, pulling it closer, and laid your hands over his heart. With his other, he yanked you the last little bit, so you were pressed to him, wide eyes rapidly scanning his face. Your head was tilted back, almost painfully so, still not recognizing what was happening. The hand around your wrist moved so his thumb could rub your skin till it pressed against your palm. Your gaze went to your hand then, shocked at how small it was compared to his, and you seemed to be registering how small you were compared to him in general. Did he really grow so much since you had met him four years before? Your gaze went back to his face, finally seeming to notice that his face had changed as well. Yes, he was still cute, but he had become devastatingly handsome, maturing into a…man. No, he wasn't a baby anymore, but you were in denial. Even then, pressed against him, even able to feel his toned muscles through his sweatshirt, you kept trying to convince yourself he was still your baby Jisung.
"Jisung?" You exhaled his name, so quiet that if he wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard. Your eyes followed his when they flicked down to watch your lips move when you whispered his name.
"What makes you think you're not good enough for me?" His voice rumbled through you, its deepness shocking you for some reason. When had that happened? You were so thrown off by the pitch of his voice you barely registered his question.
"Huh?"
"No one else is good enough for me, because they're not you." His hand had dropped your wrist so his arm could wrap around you, and he pressed his cheek to the side of your head. He nuzzled your soft hair, the familiar scent of your shampoo soothing his anger some.
"What?" You stood still, stiff even, trying to process what was happening.
"I don’t want to be your baby Jisung anymore, noona. I just want to be yours." He was a bit surprised with his sudden eloquence, but he just chocked it up to all his upset burning away any shyness he had in the moment. The anger had faded, and he was just upset, tired again, praying in his head that you would get the fucking hint. Your hand, the one he let go, had rested on his chest for balance, then he felt your fingers clutch the fabric of his sweatshirt. With his fingers wrapped around your right hand still, he could feel that your pulse had quickened, and you were minutely shaking.
"Y-you…?" You swallowed hard, tongue running over your lips, mouth feeling dry.
"I thought I just had a crush on you. I don't. I love you." His softened voice floated right into your ear with how his head rested on yours. The back of your nose and throat burned as you swallowed hard, tears sparking in the corners of your eyes. When you hiccupped, sniffing, he flinched, pulling back from you. It was only just enough that he could see your face, his arm still around you, hand still in his over his heart.
"Noona." He sighed softly, dipping and kissing the corner of your eye where a tear had slipped down your cheek. Nope, that made it worse. You burst into tears, chest heaving, and he pulled you back into him. You were…dramatic sometimes. Cried easily. Too easily even. Jisung loved to tease you for crying at a commercial where a little girl brought a quilt out to her sheep in the barn close to Christmas. You also tended to cry around puppies.
"I-I…I-!" Your breath was heaving too much for you to really talk. His nose nuzzled your hair, and he kissed the crown of your head. You sniffed, taking a few deep breaths.
"I love you too." you whispered, if you spoke any louder your sobs would take back over. He didn't know, but while he was gone you were in a much similar situation. You went to visit your parents as well, but it was just an hour or so drive, not across the world practically. You missed him so much, and wouldn't shut up about him, but your mother knew you well enough to see read between the lines. Because it startled you, having romantic feelings for Jisung, you became even more dramatic with the 'baby Jisung' talk. He was your best friend, and so of course you loved him, but you couldn't admit you were in love with him. You were so worried about ruining your friendship that you just ignored your logical thoughts and pretended you hadn't fallen for him. Nearly fighting him when he pulled back from the hug again, you stayed pressed to him, not wanting him to see your face. Not only was it red from your blush, but it was also blotchy from your crying and your nose was close to running.
"Noona." He huffed a laugh, trying to get you off of him. You gripped his sweatshirt tighter.
"(Y/N)." Jisung was fully laughing at that point, partially from your actions and partially from how ecstatic he was that you loved him back.
"No."
"Noona."
"No." Finally, with a bit more force, he pulled back so you could see each other's faces. The warmest smile you had ever seen was on his face and you froze when he leaned in closer. His forehead bumped yours and his nose crinkled, cringing a bit at his own actions but it made you giggle, which made it all worth it.
"Since when?" you asked. He laughed bashfully, lips pursing.
"I didn't realize how bad it was till a few weeks ago while I was still in Korea. But…I knew before that. Something made me realize…"
"What?" You were shocked when his giddy but shy face fell into one of panic.
"W-what?" His face bloomed red, all the way to the tips of his ears and he tried to bow his head to avoid your gaze, but you could just look up into his eyes.
"Uh, well…" He cleared his throat, trying to pull back further but he didn't let your hand go.
"Jisung?" You pressed with a fake stern tone.
"I…had a dream." He faked a cough to try and hide.
"Yeah?" You were clearly not understanding that he was so reluctant to say what it was, because it was filthy. It even made Jaemin blush. The extreme embarrassment in his eyes when they finally met yours clued you in better. You stepped closer, a coy look spreading over your own face, and he took a step back. His hand was still holding yours though, so he wasn't that desperate to get away. He clenched his other hand into a fist, bringing it up and pressing his mouth to his forearm to hide his face.
"Was it something bad?"
"No! Uh…" With each step you tried to get closer, he backed up, till his back hit the wall.
"Was it naughty?" You teased, and he sneered at the cringey word. Your eyes, still a bit puffy from crying, were creased with amusement.
"Uh, I mean…"
"Do you we do something dirty?" Your head tilted up to look at his face as he tried to hide, fingers clenching yours jerkily, the digits desperate to wiggle.
"M-Maybe."
"What?" You smirked, trying not to giggle. You were always more open about sex stuff, not quite like Jaemin or even Donghyuck, but still more than him.
"No." He was throwing your method of deflection back at you.
"You know," you got up on your tip toes so you could whisper into his ear, "if you tell me, we can do it?" Your suggestion made his whole body freeze, blood turning to ice. He nearly gasped when his blood then rapidly heated, the sound of his pulse whooshing in his ears.
"Are you sure?" he whispered, needing to make sure because even just the slightest detail would reveal too much if you weren't. You nodded with a hum, then gasped when he switched your places, hand cupping the back of your head, so it didn't thud into the wall as he pinned you to it, his other forearm holding him up over your head. You could only blink in response, looking at the conflicted expression on his face.
"I don't want to hurt you." What the hell had he dreamt? You were dying to know.
"You won't." Jisung's eyes met yours, brow furrowed in worry.
"I could."
"You could, but you won't. Plus…" Your hands came up to mess with the strings of his hoodie.
"Sometimes a little pain can feel good." Jisung searched your face and saw the determination in your eyes. The hand on the back of your head dug harshly into your hair, tugging at your scalp and you gasped when his mouth sealed against yours. Your teeth clacked against his with the force of the kiss and you whined, trying to match his fervor. You couldn't. His leg nestled between yours, pressing close and against your core, and you had to stand on your tip toes. The fingers in your hair twisted the strands around them and he tugged harder, tipping your head back more, compensating for him looming over you. His knee hit the wall, his leg literally hitching you up an inch and you moaned at the pressure. Jisung snuck his tongue into your mouth then and your breath was rough out of your nose, saliva drooling from the corner of your mouth. Panting hard, he pulled back, eyes searching yours. His arm against the wall moved down to your side, still holding him up but also pressing into your waist. The hand in your hair left, the tips of his fingers soothing the slight sting he left on your scalp, then cupped your jaw. Your face looked so small cupped in his palm and something carnal, feral, rose in him.
"You're so little, noona." Jisung's tone was nothing like you had ever heard from him. His hooded gaze focused on your mouth when his thumb easily pressed against your lips, his fingers still stroking the back of your head. You watched his brow quirk up when you took his thumb between your lips, sucking on it. You had expected a blush to erupt, for his voice to sputter and for him to pull back. No. He smirked.
"Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?" Your head had to tilt up once again when he pressed even closer, chest to chest, leg still wedged between yours. You wondered if you had soaked through your panties and thin shorts, and if he could feel it. Then again, he was in sweatpants, but you could feel the fabric clinging to your folds and he had only kissed you. Yes, his thigh was pressed into your covered cunt, but he wasn't moving you on it.
"Tell me?" you whispered when he removed his thumb, eyes focusing on the shine of drool left on it. If you didn't know him better, you would take his intense expression for anger, but even with knowing him so well, you couldn't read his face. Jisung slipped his hand off your jaw, fingers pressing to the back of your neck, thumb resting under your chin. His face came close once more so close his lips brushed slightly on yours as he spoke.
"I want to fuck you so hard you can't walk for the next three days. I want to fuck you so stupid you can't even speak, just whine and beg for more. I want to make you cum so much that your cute little pussy stings. I want you to swallow my cock and I want to cum down your throat." You were going to pass out, you were sure of it. With how quickly the blood rushed to your core, your head swam. Where had your sweet little Jisung gone? How long had he been thinking like that? He couldn't even meet anyone's eyes if sex stuff got brought up around friends. But his words were thick with lust, and they swam into your ears and fogged your brain like a drug. Your thighs twitched, body shuddering when a devilish grin spread over his gorgeous face. He wasn't cute right then; he was destructively sexy, and it took your breath away. You don't think you could ever see him as your sweet little friend again.
"What do you want, noona?" The pet-name even came out different, he said it with near reverence, the single word a one-eighty from the four words preceding it.
"I want…I need you to do anything you want to me." His grin fell, he groaned, and his tongue was back in your mouth. He could taste the candy you had been eating while you spoke those fateful words, eagerly circling your tongue with his. You keened a whining moan when the hand at your neck tightened slightly, his thumb pressing into your windpipe. Your breath hitched, somehow where he gripped it gave the same heady feeling without actually restricting your breathing. What stole your air was the pleasure you were feeling just from his kiss. Your hips jumped, desperate for some friction, grinding your covered pussy against his thigh. Helpfully he pressed into you more, lifting you against the wall more, the weight of gravity pulled you onto him harder. The arm at your side that had been holding him up moved, he was using his knee then for balance, and his fingers teased along the waist band of your shorts. You whimpered when his hand continued, sneaking its way into the back of your shorts and panties, the hot pads of his fingers meeting your slick folds. You shivered and took heaving breaths when he removed himself from the kiss. His other hand was still at your throat, but he released the light pressure, making your heavy breaths easier to control.
"You're soaked, noona. For me?"
"Fuck, yes, Jisung." Expecting a kiss when he moved closer once more, he gripped your jaw, tilting your head back, thumb hooking your bottom lip. You let him move your jaw, holding your mouth open, waiting for his next move. His grin broke when he let a glob of spit fall from his lip and into your awaiting mouth. Without needing a prompt, when his thumb left your mouth, you swallowed.
"Good girl, noona." Slowly, he pulled away from you and the wall, stepping back only enough that he could take his hoodie off. He went ahead and let his shirt underneath go along with it and your heart leapt.
"Fucking hell." You gasped, reaching forward to eagerly run your fingers over him. While he wasn't necessarily to the level of Jeno or even Jaemin, for having a dancer's body he still had muscle. When had that gotten there? He barely wore anything tight let alone without sleeves, so you had no idea. He felt a wave of bashfulness rising, so he took control once again, pulling your small hands from his skin.
"Off." He prompted and you grabbed the hem of his shirt you were wearing, and he finished the job, tossing it down the hall. Clicking his tongue at your bra, you started to reach around your back to undo it, but he beat you to it. With an easy flick, it snapped open, and you let it drop, wide eyes staring at him. Where the fucking hell had he learned to do that?
"Jaemin." He must have read your mind and that made plenty of sense. Not able to even process your next move, he scooped you up easily, pressing you back into the wall. You squeaked, wrapping your mostly bare legs around his waist, fingers digging into his shoulders, he was more or less eye-level with you then. He dropped you a bit, preferring you under him more, and his nose nuzzled under your ear. He felt the goose bumps rising on your skin against his, his top just as bare as yours. His hands once again buried under the waist band of your shorts, fingers so long that the tips slipped out the leg holes of your panties, cupping your ass perfectly.
"God, Jisung!" Your body twitched when his light nuzzles immediately turned into open mouth kisses, then he sucked hard, working the skin with his lips and teeth. Popping off of your neck, his tongue ran over the flesh, blood rising and pooling at the surface. The fingers on his shoulders tightened, the blunt edges of your nails digging into his skin, and his own hips jumped then. You had been trying to ignore the tent in his pants, but he grinded his hardened cock against your cunt, only a few layers of fabric between. Jisung seemed to be big in every way.
"You still on the pill?"
"Yes, why?" You shuddered once more as he licked at the third hickey he left, that one on your collarbone.
"I need to fuck you raw." He groaned as your cunt throbbed, easily feeling it against his cock even with the clothing barrier.
"Want to pump you so full, my cum's dripping out of you for hours." Your eyes rolled back as you whined, head thrown back. You squeaked when he jostled you up higher, those beautiful and surprisingly sinful lips sucking in a nipple. Sighing at the feeling, he wasn't pleased with the gentle noise, and so he nibbled the peak instead. You yiped like a dog (ironic since he was planning on fucking you like one), a little dazed by how high up the wall he had you. Despite the altitude, he seemed to be easily holding you up, though he was able to use the wall for help. When his mouth moved to your other breast, he smirked at the red and swollen nipple he left. Your body felt like it was on fire and you both still had your pants on.
"Can I fuck you raw, noona? Feel your pussy cling to my cock?" His mouth was at your ear again, having dropped you back down to an easier level. His dick hadn't even entered you and you felt too stupid to talk.
"Please." You mewled and your submissive tone made him groan. Jisung's hands left your shorts, shoving them down off of you as he partially let you go. Your feet dangled slightly as you toed off the last of your clothes, then you yelped as he slung you over his shoulder like a sack of rice.
"J-Jisung-!?" You yelped as his hand smacked your ass, most likely leaving a big red print on your skin. The sting of the spank sent tendrils of fire right to your cunt as he stormed down the hall toward your room, your bed bigger than his. You flinched at the slam of your door as he closed it, huffing as he nearly dropped you.
"Knees." He prompted, ordered, and your body instantly obeyed. Going down the rest of the way to the floor, you sat with your knees in an 'M', gazing up at him with big glossy eyes. You were trying hard not to gape at the bulge in his sweatpants, or to run your gaze hungrily over his bare torso.
"Go ahead, noona." He nearly laughed at your eagerness, quickly reaching for the waistband of his pants and pulling them off, his hard cock bobbing in the air before you. Your wide, enraptured stare on his dick gave him a rush of nerves and pride all at once. While you came to terms with your fate, he shoved his sweatpants to the side, and you shuffled forward. Whimpering, your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, big and pretty like him. Swallowing your eyes met his.
"C-Can I grab something?" Your request threw him off, but he nodded, and you scrambled up and to your nightstand. Trotting back over, you stood demurely before him, holding the item out with both palms up. He took the little bottle from you, looking at it.
"Throat numbing spray?" His brow crooked and he looked at you, biting your lip with a giddy glaze over your eyes. It still had plastic wrap on the nozzle. Nodding once, you sank back to your knees, and he groaned low when you opened your mouth wide, tongue out.
"Why do you have this, noona?" His tone was slightly patronizing as he tore the plastic off, then spritzed the watermelon flavored spray into your mouth. Swallowing a few times, the dull sensation you could even register faded, leaving a very minute feeling in your throat.
"Guess." You giggled, hand wrapping back around his cock. Jisung buried his hand in your hair again, tugging hard to make you look back up at him.
"You've used it before?"
"I'm not a virgin, Ji." Your normal, casual tone didn't sit right with him in the moment, and he twisted your hair again, the stinging twinge making you moan softly.
"Only for me now?"
"Yes." You nodded to further emphasize your point, and his grip loosened. With a much softer hold on your head, he pressed you closer, letting you take over. Swallowing a buildup of saliva, your tongue swirled around the head of his dick, the salty taste of his precum eagerly lapped up. He was barely half-way in your mouth when the head hit your numbed throat, your jaw protesting some already. His eyes shut as he groaned, only fluttering open to watch you take his cock even deeper down your throat. The spray helped you not to gag, and you swallowed over and over, holding your breath, your nose pressing to his groin. Your hand fell, landing next to your other one as you pressed your hands to the floor. Pulling back enough that you could breathe, you twisted your head like a curious dog, eyes searing into his.
"Ready?" You moaned and his hands were back in your hair, hips jumping, burying his cock back inside your throat. Despite the numbing, tears sprung to your eyes, a slight gag leaving you. Holding still like a good girl, Jisung pumped his fat cock into your mouth and down your throat, breathing harshly through your nose when you could.
"Fuck, you feel so good, noona." He sighed, head thrown back, making sure not to use full force as he rolled his hips. Even with him holding back, you could feel the strength of his movements and you felt a puddle of wet forming on the laminate floor under you, cunt clenching around nothing.
"You better swallow it all, (Y/N)." He tried not to whimper, but he couldn't help it, letting you inhale deeply before burying his cock all the way into your gullet, pumping thick strands of hot cum down your throat. Your core spasmed, eyes fluttering as you eagerly swallowed over and over, the heat of his release warming your chest. When you woke up that morning you never dreamed you would be eagerly swallowing Jisung's cock as he came buckets down your throat. As the last little wave died, he quickly removed his still half-hard cock, brow furrowing with worry as you gasped for air. Tears were flowing down your cheeks, face red and messy, but you opened up, tongue out, to show him you obediently swallowed every drop.
"You're so fucking good, sweetheart." You gasped softly, the pet-name going straight to your needy cunt. Jisung used his index finger to gather the saliva and pre that had dripped down your chin, letting you lick it off.
"Get on the bed, it's my turn." As soon as his finger retracted, you stood quickly, albeit shakily and went to stand by the bed.
"W-which way?" His hands on your shoulders turned you to face the bed, back to him. With a shove, you fell onto the mattress, chest pressed to the surface, hips bumping the end of the bed. You then heard a light thump, and his hands were back on your ass.
"Fuck!" You gasped as his thumbs spread your soaking folds, blowing a stream of air against your fluttering core.
"Did you cum when I did, sweetheart?"
"Y-yes."
"Good girl." You could hear his smirk, then you cried out as you buried your hands into the sheets, his tongue burrowing into your hot cunt. Jisung easily held your hips still, his arm wrapping around the front of your legs, his free hand splayed over the small of your back. When his tongue left your pussy, it swirled over your clit, and he sucked it in once before running through the slit of your folds and wiggling back inside. He did this a few more times, eagerly drinking your slick.
"Fuckfuckfuck." You shuddered, not even able to warn him as your next orgasm hit, much stronger than the small one you had not even five minutes prior. He held you down as your body shook, gummy walls fluttering and throbbing around his tongue.
"You taste so good, noona." You nearly heard him lick his lips, pulse still whooshing in your ears.
"A-ah?!" You squealed when his hands parted your ass cheeks, his tongue moving up from your soaking cunt and swirling over your pucker.
"J-Jisung!?" You gasped harder, not sure how to feel about the sensation. Grateful you took a shower not even two hours ago, you still weren't really expecting his tongue to go from your pussy to your ass.
"Don't worry, noona. I just wanna taste today." He lapped over your pucker once more, then pulled back, huffing in amusement at your still twitching thighs. You were already tired, he could tell, but he was painfully hard again. Jisung's thoughts ran rampant as he tried to decide how he wanted you as he fucked you first. Your pose would do just fine.
"Hm, so wet, sweetheart." He stood so he could lean over you on the bed, one hand by your head to hold him up, the other hand leading his cock to run through your folds. You knew it was big in your mouth but feeling it at your entrance made you shiver. As the head of his cock started to breach your gummy walls, the burning sting made you sigh in delight, the heat of his skin scorching through you. Breathing hard, trying to relax, your cunt fluttered still as he buried deeper, slowly. His deep, low groan faded into a chuckle as he watched your pussy suck in his cock. At the last inch, he snapped his hips, filling you fully, head pressing into your cervix.
"Ah, FUCK!" You white knuckled the sheets, toes curling, forcing you to tip toe, his pelvis pressing to your hips. You breathed raggedly, getting used to not just the burn his fat cock forced from your walls, but the stinging pleasure the same burn forced through you. You hadn't been fucked in way too long, and you were already sure no one would ever feel as good as Jisung did right then. You had needed him, not just any guy, but him. That's why you hadn't tried looking for a date, your subconscious knowing you needed your sweet friend to rail you stupid. Jisung breathed hard as well, trying to let you get at least a little used to the stretch, but your sticky, wet heat felt too good.
"I need to move, (Y/N)."
"Please~" You whined, squealing with delight as he pulled back no more than halfway, then slowly back in. It was like he sucked the air out of you, then forced it back in, but his next thrust made you see stars. As he leaned over you, hips battering your ass with hard, shallow thrusts, his hands laid over yours, weaving his fingers through yours. The sweet move was overshadowed by his animal pace, your whimpers and squeaks just as feral. He was still trying to hold back some, but when he couldn't hold back a hard snap, he felt the same flutter as before and ground his cock into you as you came, spurts of slick coating his groin and balls as you squirted over him. Your shudders and pulses lasted nearly twice as long and when you finally laid still, he started back up himself. Your cunt stung slightly, not ready for the friction once more, but the pain just fueled the pleasure. Without the bed underneath you, you would have melted onto the floor, no strength left. Wanting to protest when he unwound your fingers, he fell forward, his bare chest to your back. Not too tightly, he wrapped his arm under you, across your collar bone, then chest, pulling you up just enough that the arm around you restricted you, forcing your elbows to your hips. Your nails dug into the fabric under your lower stomach, Jisung easily holding you up just a bit from the bed. His other arm also snaked around you, his hand laying over your lower stomach. You were sensitive there, more than most people, and just the pressure alone made you mewl. Jisung pressed harder, able to feel the bulge of his cock below your skin and as he settled into position, you realized why he was holding you so tight. He was holding you in place. His next thrust started with only the head of him inside, then he barreled his cock back into you, fucking you with abandon. You gasped, not able to even squeak or moan, mouth open in a silent scream, drool dripping from the corners of your mouth.
"Ji-Jisung-! Please, fuck!" You breathed out, your next orgasm washing over you, leaving the friction painful. The pain crested hard and fast as he continued to pound into you, fading back into pleasure. So much of your release and wet spilled from your fluttering cunt that it dripped onto the floor, down both of your thighs.
"I'm going to cum, noona. Fill you up, yeah?" He whimpered deeply, almost groaning, hips faltering just slightly.
"Yes, yes, Jisung!" He dropped both of you to the bed then, pressing you down into the mattress, gouging his cock as deep as he could, and pumping your protected womb and cunt full of hot cum. It spurted out in globs with your own cum, dripping a bigger puddle on the floor, the hard pulse of his cock even stronger as he filled you. Your vision blurred, ears ringing as you came once more, grateful that he stilled, actually really hurting at that point. Reveling in his full weight on your back, he then registered he was laying on you like that and pulled up just a bit.
"You okay?" He nuzzled the back of your ear.
"S-stings." You got out hoarsely.
"Ah." He winced with you as he pulled his still half-hard length from you, more globs of jizz and slick leaving your cunt.
"I don't think I'll walk for four days." You muttered. It took him a second to register what you meant, before he burst into laughter, pressing his sweaty forehead to your shaking shoulder.
"Good enough?" Jisung asked, making you hum.
"Fucking perfect."
Master-Master List
NCT Master List
#ihavethedreamies#kpop#kpop fluff#kpop smut#kpop x reader#kpop fanfic#x reader#nct x reader#nct dream x reader#nct fanfic#nct dream fanfic#nct#nct dream#nct fluff#nct dream fluff#nct smut#nct dream smut#nct jisung#nct dream jisung#jisung x reader#park jisung x reader#jisung smut#park jisung smut#jisung fluff#park jisung fluff#park jisung
450 notes
·
View notes
Text
our girlfriend // sam and colby
A/N: it's my bday and i'm giving you guys a present... aren't i so nice lol i know it's been a LONG time since i posted any form of a fic, and i'm sorry about that. but hopefully this makes up for it a bit. if you squint hard enough, this could basically be a 'careful what you wish for' fic as well (but not really since the boys are just normal and not a demon or vampire). hope you enjoy and let me know what you think !
prompt: you and the boys always had your fun, but you never tried it in public. and now they want to. || fem!reader x sam and colby
trigger warning: SMUT, threesome (but no actual sex), no solby, you are sam and colby's girlfriend…. lucky you lmao, fingering, oral fixation/finger sucking, bossy!bf sam and colby, also very possessive, a wee bit of degradation, mentions of baby, darling, baby girl, love, good girl, slut, and it also takes place slightly in public (but away from everyone)
word count: 2003
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Guys, are you sure about this?" You questioned hurriedly as you rushed up the stairs.
Sam looked back at you, his voice loud over the thumping music of the party. "Yeah, c’mon Y/N. There’s no one up here."
"Probably for good reason." You grumbled.
"You’ve never been one to follow the rules. Don’t start now..." Colby smirked devilishly, his voice right by your ear as he passed you on the stairs.
Reaching the top and with each one of them holding a hand, Sam and Colby pulled you down the hallway. They stopped right outside a door tucked away from the stairs. If someone came up, they would see you. Your heart raced at the idea alone.
Colby leaned his back against the wall as you looked around the corner, glancing at the stairs nervously. He rolled his eyes, pulling you against him. "Baby, you have nothing to worry about. You're with us. When have we ever gotten caught?"
You glared up at him, annoyed. "You literally have a rap sheet that proves you don't know how to hide."
"Someone's feeling bratty tonight..." Sam joked playfully, leaning across from you and Colby.
You gazed at him over your shoulder, brows furrowed. "I'm just worried about someone finding out about us. God knows how the fans would react if they knew..."
Colby's finger lightly turned your chin so that you were looking at him. "Knew about what? That we both love to play with our girlfriend, and now we're trying it out in public?"
You stuttered, the lustful glint in Colby's eye making you blush. "Y-yes. Exactly that."
Colby pouted. "But I thought you loved when we both touched you."
"And tasted you..." Sam replied, sounding closer.
Colby leaned his face in, getting close to yours. "And fucked y-"
You cut him off, slapping his chest. "That's not the issue I have. It's the getting caught part. Or someone seeing us."
"But that's what's fun about this," Sam turned you around to face him, Colby's hands still resting low on your hips. "You're getting fucked as a party is being thrown downstairs in our honor. And if anyone tries to find us, they'll see us all up here... with you. So we gotta make sure we don't get caught."
"Especially since no one is allowed up here." You mentioned again.
"Well, we're allowed up here. No one else is." Colby informed.
Your face scrunched up, "I thought the owner said-"
"The owner can suck my dick. If I want to fuck my girlfriend in a house I'm renting out for a party, I'm gonna do it wherever I want to." Colby ranted.
"Excuse me." Sam raised an eyebrow, a light glare thrown at Colby.
"Right, my bad, Sam. Our girlfriend." Colby responded, smiling.
Sam sighed, "Much better."
"Speaking of...." Colby slid his hand under your skirt, pressing your damp panties against your swollen sex. "Our girlfriend is very wet."
You gasped, your body arching against Colby's. He exhaled as your ass grinded into his crotch. His breath was hot against your neck, raising goosebumps across your cool skin.
Sam's eyes danced up your body, studying it as Colby kneaded your clit slowly. Sam hummed when his gaze reached your face, his voice low, "What am I gonna do with you?"
"Kiss me." You shuddered, grabbing his shirt lightly and tugging him closer.
"She's so aggressive when she's needy." Colby chuckled darkly, applying pressure to his movements.
Sam nodded, leaning in and kissing you tenderly. You could barely breathe to begin with but having Sam's mouth on yours and Colby's fingers on your clit, you felt yourself get lightheaded. It was so overwhelming already, and they barely had done anything to you. God, or the devil himself, only knew what they had in store for you.
As Sam's tongue glided into your mouth, tangling with yours, Colby moved your panties out of the way and slid two fingers inside of you, pumping them at an achingly slow pace. Your breath hitched, a moan falling from your lips. Lucky for you, it was muffled by Sam's mouth.
"What did we say, baby girl? You can’t be too loud. And we know how loud you can get." Sam teased.
"Even with the music playing, they would be able to hear her." Colby sneered jokingly.
"Is that what you want? To get caught? To have all of our friends know you're being fucked by us? That you're needy for us?" Sam grunted, his lips brushing yours as he spoke.
"I think that's what she wants. She loves to pretend to be such a good girl, but in reality, she's bad." Colby snickered into your ear quietly. "She's a little slut for us."
"Our slutty little girlfriend who can't stop herself from moaning when we touch her." Sam closed the space between you two, gripping your chin so that your eyes were looking into his piercing blues. "You're so pathetic and horny, aren't you?"
You shook your head, a whimper falling from your lips as Colby slid another finger in. You bit your lip hard to not make a noise, knowing it wasn't doing much to help.
"We might have to cover her mouth, since she can't listen." Colby hissed mischievously, biting your neck softly.
"I know the perfect way to do that." Sam placed the tips of his index and middle finger against your lips, "Open." Your lips fell open instantly, and he snaked them in, resting them against your tongue. "Suck."
You immediately started sucking his fingers, whining around them and bobbing your head up and down. Sam growled lowly at the sensation of you sucking off his fingers. He pushed himself closer to you, sandwiching you in between him and Colby completely. You couldn't have escaped their hold if you wanted it, and you definitely didn't want to.
"Her mouth feels amazing, Colby. You'll have to give it a try soon." Sam closed his tightly, focusing on the feeling.
"I remember how good she feels, trust me." Colby leaned down, pressing his lips to your ear, "You always need something in your mouth, don't you darling? You can't help but want to suck on something. On one of us."
Colby's fingers sped up, a groan deep within your throat rocketed out, stifled by Sam's fingers. You kept grinding your ass against Colby, who now was hard in his leather pants. He followed your movements, his hips pressing hard into you. Your hand gripped his wrist, clinging onto the hand that was fucking you. Your other hand held Sam close as your nails dug into his back.
"Are you getting close, baby girl? Do you want to come?" Sam barked.
You mewled, nodding your head desperately. Sam tsked, leaning his forehead against yours. "Not yet, baby. I think you need a bit more help."
His other hand drifted down, stopping right above your clit. He teased you for a moment, the tip of his finger brushing across it ever so gently. Your body shook and both boys laughed.
Colby feigned concern. "Aw Sam, c’mon now. You gotta be nice to her. She's not gonna make it."
"I guess we traded places this time, since you're the one that's always so mean to her." Sam quipped sassily.
Colby faux gasped, "Me? Being mean?" He leaned into your ear, whispering, "I'm not mean, am I love? You like when I treat you rough. I know you do, sweetheart."
You closed your eyes tight, trying to hold yourself back from exploding. Both of their motions were all too much for you, but you didn't want it to end just yet. You needed it to keep going. You just loved being theirs.
Sam pushed his lower half into his hand that was rubbing your clit, both boys now grinding against you. Their cocks were hard, and they were touching you in all the right places; you could feel your orgasm building up to its breaking point. You needed them to say you could let go. You weren't sure how much longer you could last.
"Feel how hard you've made us, baby girl. You want us inside of you? Wanna get filled up by us?" Sam rasped.
You whined and nodded mindlessly. You couldn't even form words if you want to.
"She's squeezing my fingers so tight. God, I can't wait to taste you, Y/N. You're getting so close..." Colby panted. "Maybe we should let her come."
"Only if she deserves it. Do you, baby? Do you deserve to come? Have you been good for us?" Sam taunted, staring into your eyes.
You moaned around his fingers in agreement, shaking your head again.
Sam bit his lip, glancing at Colby for a moment. "She has been following our demands very well. She made me hard just by sucking my fingers."
"You've been such a needy, good girl for us, haven't you? You take our fingers so well. Do you wanna come? Say you want to." Colby lowered his voice, "Use your words, love."
You choked around Sam's fingers, a 'I wanna come' mumbled through his digits.
Colby harshly snapped in your ear, "Who owns this cunt, darling?"
You grunted out a 'You do', eyes pleading with Sam to say you could let go.
Sam smirked, an almost evil glint in his eye. "I think she can come now. What about you, Colby?"
Colby paused, his fingers still moving at their fast pace. Your body was hot, sweat dripping down your back. Your face was flushed, and you felt like you couldn't breathe as you waited for Colby to say the magic phrase.
He kissed right under your ear sweetly, his lips then pressed against you. "Come for us, baby."
You cried out around their fingers, your body spasming in ecstasy. Sam finger fucked your mouth, making sure your screams weren't heard over the music as he sped up his fingers on your clit. Colby kept the pace as you exploded around him, your juices running down your thighs. He cooed in your ear, speaking softly that you were a good girl, a good slut for them, and that you were so beautiful when you come.
Your pleasure slowly subsided, Sam and Colby resting against you and their motions still. They breathed with you, kissing along your neck and face as you relaxed.
You were about to say something when all three of you could hear someone walking up the stairs. Sam backed up, removing his hands from your mouth and clit. Colby spun you both around, facing the person coming up the stairs. It was a scramble to make sure you looked okay, and you weren't even sure if you did.
A tall man in an all-black suit, one of the security guards, looked down the hallway at you all. "Excuse me, you can't be up here."
"Uh, sorry about that. My girlfriend wasn't feeling too well and the line for the bathroom was kinda long so we figured she could come up here and use this one." Colby smiled, placing you in front of him to cover up his hard on.
"Are you feeling better now, miss?" The man asked, looking at you.
Sam cut you off, thankfully; since you weren't sure if you could even speak yet. He cupped his hands in front of his body, trying to cover himself up. "Yeah, she's good. We'll make sure she feels better later tonight, though. Just to be safe."
You glanced at Sam, and he gave you a little wink.
"Please follow me back downstairs to the party." The man stated.
You trudged down the hall towards the man, Sam and Colby following close behind. Once the man turned around, you could hear Sam smack Colby's arm, saying 'She's our girlfriend' to him. They bickered back and forth until you got to the bottom of the stairs.
Colby smacked your ass playfully, his voice loud enough for only you to hear, "Don’t go too far, Y/N. We're not done with you yet."
#sam and colby#sam and colby fanfiction#sam and colby fanfic#sam and colby fic#sam and colby smut#sam golbach fanfiction#sam golbach fanfic#sam golbach smut#sam golbach fic#colby brock fanfiction#colby brock fanfic#colby brock fic#colby brock smut#sam and colby x reader#sam golbach#colby brock
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation#which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would#i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road#i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed#but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable#as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy#again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos#in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st#started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very#firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me#to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck#me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault#i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when#im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress#dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol#idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but#my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing#but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month#bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get#stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Your Role in the Relationship Vs. Their Role in the Relationship
Disclaimer: Tarot is not an evidence-based practice. You are in charge of making your own decisions.
Pile 1 - Moon
Alright, y'all are NOT being emotionally honest with each other and that's just that lol. Both of you guys are facing away from one another in this reading but the shared energy is the King of Cups clarified by the 7 of wands. Big, deep, raw, turbulent feelings between the two of you, but there is sooooo much defensiveness.
You are both showing up as pages which is telling - pages can (not always) indicate immaturity/lack of experience. The more positive angle, of course, is youthfulness, hopefulness, optimism. You are the page of pentacles clarified by the two of cups reversed. They are the page of wands clarified by the devil reversed. So I see you as a kid with their arms crossed and a pout on your face. What the fuck ever, I'm just gonna give my pentacle to someone else over here. With the two of cups reversed clarifying, you're probably giving this person the cold shoulder, or just in an energy of "i give up dude." I think you want to give your time and attention to this person but maybe don't want to surrender your pride, or be the one to step out of a more receptive stance into a more action-oriented one. You want this person to come after you but they aren't and it's making you sad.
With the page of wands clarified by the devil reversed for their role in the relationship, there is definitely a strong emphasis on sexuality on their part. They have probably fantasized about you/touched themselves to the thought of you, but feel guilty about it and are trying to release this (devil reversed.) They feel like they have been rejected physically/sexually by you and are trying to put on a front of "i don't care i didn't even want to fuck you that bad anyways" lol (they do, in fact, want to fuck you that bad.) But yeah this person is feeling like they need to cut ties either with you or a certain pattern that cycles in your guys' relationship.
I pulled another clarifying card for your role and got the ace of wands reversed, and then did the same for them and got the ace of cups reversed!! You guys are both so drained but in different ways.You feel this person tugging on your sexual energy and that wears you out physically and probably makes you feel kinda gross, and then this person is emotionally exhausted and feels like they don't know how to please you.
What both of you want/need from the other, neither of you is willing to give because you don't want to surrender your power in the situation or because you're afraid that if you do give them what they want then they'll just take it and you will be left with nothing and just have been used.
This person is emotionally repressed and you are sexually repressed lowkey. I think the sex with this person would be either crazy good or crazy disappointing - no in between. This feels very all-or-nothing with this person. And I think that's tied to the pages - there is some black and white thinking going on on both of your parts, underdevelopment in different areas of your guys' ways of thinking. Both of you are taking the stance of "i'm right you're wrong i want what i want and you're not giving it to me and that means that i'm not good enough and it also means that you're bad." This seems difficult and triggering, but if you're feeling like you are alone in feeling triggered by this relationship you definitely are not. This person feels like they need a full-on exorcism to break free from this.
The description for the moon oracle card that you chose is: "Our closest cosmic ally, the moon represents the feminine psyche and influences the ebb and flow of our emotional and gravitational tides. Notice how this beloved time keeper moves through her phases and the effect she has on your cycles of darkness and light."
Right now neither one of you feels safe with the other and you're kind of at a stalemate. It feels like both of you are afraid that making a move will result in a blow to your ego. I think you hold more power over this person that you may think... the guy on the 7 of swords in this spread is stealing 7 of swords from your person's side and bringing them to yours - you have taken something from them, consciously or otherwise. They resent you and are fascinated by you.
Take care pile 1.
Pile 2: Air
Alright y'all this was frustrating to read I will tell you that much lol. You might want to check out pile 1 as well, that reading was also kind of frustrating.
The cards representing your energy: 10 of wands clarified by the knight of wands. The cards representing their energy: 10 of pentacles reversed clarified by the 9 of pentacles. The shared energy between the two of you: 9 of wands clarified by the 6 of cups. And then to clarify your oracle card I pulled the emperor.
So you are the one putting in the bulk of the work, or at least you were. It's like the knight of wands took his last wand and is like "fuck this I'm out of here" lol. I think with the knight of wands being on your side, you have been the person putting in more time and energy into this relationship. And I think maybe that is a reality you have been putting off avoiding for awhile but now you are seeing it and taking action on it, which is cool.
I think you have been really weighed down by this relationship. The knight of wands also says to me that you have been having obsessive thoughts about this person, and maybe struggling to hold back outbursts towards them. If that is the case I applaud you for holding your shit together. It's like you've put so much work into this and they just aren't seeing it, or are choosing not to look at it. And you've worn yourself out, having tried everything you can think of to get this person to like you. I think this person benefits from this behavior btw. Like you are giving them so much of your power when you act like that, but again I see you galloping away on your mighty steed lmao and getting distance from this situation.
They are not looking long-term with this, or they don't really feel like they can. They are focused on themselves. Again, I think you pursuing them, energetically or physically, is boosting them up in ways you don't see. This person is not putting in nearly the same amount of work into this that you are. They could have a family already or be committed to something else, but I think they really want to just be able to do their own thing? Like the bird in a gilded cage thing. They have amassed a lot of wealth for themselves but they feel trapped maintaining all of their possessions.
This person, whether male or female, is very much taking the feminine role in the relationship. They're showing up in earth energy and you in fire. However... i pay attention to the directions that the people in the cards are facing, and the knight of wands is, again, getting the fuck up out of here lmao. So yeah I think this person is like committed and not going to step outside of the nice garden they have around them. If they are committed and are expecting you to go to them.... girl. lol. I'd gallop into the night too damn hahaha
The shared energy is the nine of wands clarified by the six of cups. You are both defensive and exhausted, and can't let go of the past. There are underlying feelings between the two of you that are so incredibly soft and sensitive, but it's like both of you have access to parts of the other that, if you talk to them in just the wrong way on just the right day, it sends them or you spiraling deeper into a healing crisis. I think you both make each other feel inadequate in some way, but it's like a deep basal level. Like the way you both naturally are, it makes the other person feels like who they are is not enough.
The air oracle card you guys picked says this: One of the four physical elements, air indicates action coupled with intellect. Like a cool, crisp breeze cutting through a mountain pass, the mind is sharply attuning to well-lain plans. Use this time of clarity as momentum to initiate change or to simply be present in existing conditions."
So yeah this clarified by the emperor feels like what i already described as how you are showing up - realizing how burdensome this relationship is and doing something about it, getting away from this person and the exhausting and probably cyclical dynamic between you. You are having clarity regarding your power in the situation, and that you are the one in charge of keeping yourself safe, and also the best equipped person for the job. You are gaining control over your thoughts, which is starting to bleed into your physical reality.
Keep going pile 2. Also, there's a lot of fire coming through for you - make sure you are getting enough rest. Real rest, not just laying in bed scrolling lol guilty
Pile 3: Memory
Alright pile 3 lets do it
The cards describing your role in the relationship are the page of swords clarified by the 8 of cups. The cards describing their role in the relationship are the 3 of swords reversed clarified by the page of cups. The shared energy between the 2 of you is the 5 of wands reversed clarified by the fool reversed.
You have kind of a "tee-hee" energy haha. Like you are 'looking away' from this person but you're really not. I decided to use a different deck than i normally do, which I think is also part of your reading. You could feel the need to take a new approach with this relationship, like you feel like you're at a loss and need to try something different.
But the page of swords in this deck is holding up her sword towards the other person but she kinda looks away bashfully. The figure in the 8 of cups has our back turned to us, but looks to your person as well. I think you are putting on a front that you don't really care or that you are carefree, but really there are some deeper feelings going on for you. I think you are feeling dissatisfied in this relationship and are waiting for this person to fulfill you in some way but so far have been disappointed. This relationship could remind you of your relationship with your mom, or you are reflecting on how you are behaving in this relationship and realizing that you are kind of behaving like your mom. The person in the 8 of cups looks longingly at the moon, which is tied to motherhood and femininity in its raw form.
You're keeping things light and keeping an eye on them. You are being playful in your communication and easy-going, maybe a tad impulsive, but curious in an endearing way. I think this person likes your curiosity, and they feel special that you are curious about them.
They are showing up as the 3 of swords reversed clarified by the page of cups... I think this person is going through it. They want to heal the situation between the two of you, the page of cups in this spread holds out her cup to you. Both pages are female, so this could be a same-sex relationship or some flavor of LGBTQ+.
I think on the surface of things this person is distancing from you, but internally they are crying out for you. The page of cups here is extending her arm as far as it will go, with her hand over her heart, kind of like she is protecting herself from rejection or feels extremely vulnerable even taking small steps towards you.
I think this person created some distance between you two and they want to bridge the gap. They are reaching out with their childlike feelings, their deep and true emotions, and you are kind of hesitant and taking a more cerebral approach. You're engaging, but you're hesitant. I think you can tell that this person is struggling in their life even if they haven't told you directly, so you are willing to hear them out, but at the same time you were kind of on your way out the door and then this person made a gesture so now you're... dawdling out the door haha
The shared energy between the two of you is the five of wands reversed clarified by the fool reversed. Yeah this feels a liiiiittle petty, not gonna lie. I think there is a desire to reconcile and make things work on both sides because you both can see the ways in which you are similar, and the ways in which you are similar are palpable and important and deep. There is an acknowledgement from both parties that this could really be great, but it could also be really terrible, and right now its just kind of muddy, neither wonderful nor devastating. It just feels like a slow motion wrestling match, where both of you want to put things on the normal speed and catch up with each other, and then also get rid of the chaos and just get to the bottom of this just the two of you without all the outside influences. It's like when you're in a dream and you're trying to run in water and then you wake up and your heart is pounding. You are trying desperately to get somewhere better than where you are now but both of you are having trouble seeing a way out. You both want a new beginning. There is work to be done if that is to happen. You are both aware of this.
The oracle card you picked was memory, which says this: "At times we find ourselves living in the past, surrounded by melancholy reminders of what once was. Like a beautiful daydream, our memories can sometimes lure us into thinking of the past as a more precious time, when in fact, the most precious time we have is now."
I clarified this with the 2 of swords. There is a decision to be made here, and its not being made. This is all very much grey, and I can see why you would be asking about this person in a tarot reading because it's very confusing. I think you would benefit from reflecting on what you truly want out of this with this person. It seems like what has happened in the past is, very understandably, heavily coloring the lens through which you are viewing this relationship. If things have occurred that you resent this person for, and will continue to resent them for, then that is totally understandable. It's like you are resenting this person and holding onto hope that they will go out of their way to fix things. And they're showing up as a page... so if you're not up for a bumpy ride, which is completely valid, then this might not be a relationship that is in your best interest to pursue.
Take it easy pile 3, you are funky fresh and full of light
168 notes
·
View notes
Text
Why do I have like I feel like I have rapid cycling cyclothymia but it’s REALLY rapid and my lows are too severe? Or like bipolar ii breaking out of its lithium shell but REALLY REALLY REALLY rapid cycling like too rapid??? Tag consensus (me talking to myself) it’s probably the (C & regular) PTSD lol
#it’s like espeically recently so it’s probably bc I started doing more trauma work or smth#or bc of anxiety or my routine beinf weird idk there’s so much#that’s the only physical explanation I can think of#it’s so annoying like caffeine or no caffeine doesn’t seem to have much effect#I thought it might be a blood sugar thinf (bc I also have nerve issues) but that’s level#I have had isolated incidents of blood sugar spikes bc of [toxins] and I think it feels familiar but like I can’t remember#also would take way longer to progress to the point that it would cause the nerve stuff#*me describing a medical experience of my own with very little knowledge lol#plus that’s like 99.9% probably just from abusing my fucked up spine lately ahdbdnnsndm#I’m just bzzzzzzzzzzzzz aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#feels like when I’ve had hypomanic episodes b4 I started the med that helped w that but it’s so fast like multiple shifts/swings per day#and like I said the depression is more severe#so maybe it’s like cyclothymia but I just also have depression obvs but it came back particularly bc of triggers maybe idk#I’m also like mildly dissociative most of the time sometimes more so so idk it’s so hard to keep track#I fucking left my door unlocked yesterday bc I was so unfocused I’m so mad at myself#sorry this is so annoying I’m just trying to work it out and y’all have to bear witness ahdhsdnndndndkdjdm#I’m like no filter I’m too bzzzzzzz lol#personal /#jus talkin#probs yeah probs just my sympathetic nervous system constantly running until it crashes and then running again and cycle
1 note
·
View note